#82. Douchebags With Bluetooth Earpieces
Apr 16th, 2008 by Afroblanco
Shut the fuck up! No, I mean it. SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP!
Listen to me. I said take that goddamn thing out and listen to me!
YOU ARE WALKING DOWN THE FUCKING STREET! You are not doing anything that requires the use of your hands. You are perfectly fucking capable of lifting up your goddamn phone and putting it next to your ugly face.
Do you know that you look like an idiot? You’re walking down the street and fucking TALKING TO YOURSELF. You’re even making stupid little facial expressions. And, above all, you are completely oblivious to the fact that you look like a fucking crazy person.
Listen to me, this is New York Fucking City, okay? And in New York Fucking City, it’s pretty goddamn important to be able to tell the crazy people from the non-crazy people. This is just basic fucking survival, people!
So take the stupid thing out of you ear, already. I don’t care if it makes you feel like Bionic Commando. You make the baby Jesus cry.
What’s even worse than a d-bag talking on a bluetooth earpiece, is a d-bag NOT talking on his bluetooth earpiece, but still wearing it on their face as they walk down the street. They look like some Borg creature that’s trying to assimilate you to their d-bag culture. Turn your walking speed to warp drive and steer clear.
Those douche bags are more properly called “Blue Tools”, according to my husband.
Whatever, dude. I think these people are obnoxious just like everybody else, but if the technology exists, why wouldn’t people use it? You want us to go back to the hey-day of Zack Morris-styled cellular phones? Big clunky fuckers you can’t even fit in a backpack?
You sound like my grandfather. And he’s dead.
People need to stop using these things, and they need to stop it NOW. Technology can be helpful, but it can also be harmful. When technology annoys the ever-loving shit out of people, I would put it in the “harmful” category. I simply cannot be the only person who thinks that it’s essential to know if nearby human beings are talking to somebody else or not.
First off is the Crazy Person Problem, as outlined in my piece. This is where you don’t know, at first glance, if the douchebag with the earpiece is talking to themselves or someone else. This is a really bad thing. You should know if random people on the street are crazy or not.
Secondly, sometimes the douchebag with the earpiece is conversing intermittently. In other words, they’re generally not saying anything — leading you to think that they aren’t talking to anybody — until they finally pipe up with a comment. This can be unnerving. You don’t know if they are talking to you, themselves, or to somebody else.
Thirdly, if you see someone wearing an earpiece, you have no way of knowing whether or not they are in the midst of a conversation. Thus, there’s no way to talk to them without risking interrupting them.
And finally, it makes people look fucking stupid.
So no, I’m not saying that we need to use obsolete cellphones. I’m just saying that it should be common courtesy to let the people around you know that you are engaged in a conversation with somebody who isn’t there — an actual person, not an imaginary one. Using a regular cellphone sends this message. Bluetooth earpieces do not.
And I’m sorry to hear about your grandfather, although I can’t possibly imagine why you feel the need to bring up his passing. Are you trying to insinuate that I’m actually dead, and that I came back to earth as part of some sort of anti-bluetooth zombie army?
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d be fully in support of an anti-bluetooth zombie army. But right now, I think that could only be considered wishful thinking.
I think the problem here is not one of the technology itself. The technology is fine. Indeed, I think it’s rather cool. and there are people who use it regularly who need it. truck drivers, bike messengers, delivery people, anyone on the go really. The thing is, those people are probably about 10-15% of bluetooth users. The rest are the douchebags. They wear the earpieces because they think they are important. they think that they are so important that people be able to phone them any time, and they can’t be waiting to reach into a pocket to get a phone. Please!
These are most bluetooth users I see about. Stroking their own egos. Not having any real usage. Nobody likes them.
Yeah, I think I’m gonna have to agree with Tadhog on this one. My main issue here is with people who use their earpieces in public.
uh why would it bother you that other people “look stupid”? people are entitled to look as douchey as they want, or in factas stupid as they want. furthermore, the technology is as previously mentioned great, and they’re not abusing it to destroy mankind. maybe it makes themselves look worse, but well, okay. i dunno, this isn’t something that i’d think people dislike at all. what if it’s a bike messenger who needs it and then continues the conversation once he’s off his bike? is he supposed to take it off and pick up his phone when it’s just more convenient? what about electromagnetic waves bouncing off your head? it seems more like you’re just projecting your own insecurities and hates on us, hoping everyone will agree. that doesn’t make you much better.
Ok, so, obviously you’ve read neither my piece nor my comments.
My main problem is with people who use their earpieces in public, especially when they don’t need to be doing anything with their hands.
The fact that the earpieces make people look stupid is just the icing on the cake. My real issue is that the douchebags with bluetooth earpieces confuse and irritate the people around them.
And as for my “projecting of insecurities,” I’d be interested in knowing what particular insecurities I’m projecting onto you. Fear of insufficient cellphone accessories? Fear of looking like a sane human being? Fear of capitalization?
Oh, no, wait. Sorry, that last one is you.
My bad.
i guess i meant the insecurities you have with the fact that somehow, these people by doing nothing other than living their own lives with little or no interaction with your own, are somehow “confusing and irritating” you. nevertheless, i guess you’re right because you’re angrier and louder than i am. i’m wrong, and you’re in fact very open-minded. wonderful blog you have here about stuff nobody likes. it ’s an example unto itself.
It is unfortunate that you’ve decided to spend time reading and commenting on a blog that you apparently don’t like. I apologize that we’ve upset you so; perhaps once you stop crying over your keyboard, it will dry out, and your shift key will start working again.
Amazing blog.
I’d bore you with my comments as well, but they more or less revolve around what has been said, “blue tools”, stop being so lazy.
As far as the comments, that’s just funny in itself. Shark, three words.
Are you embarrassed?
Damn, Snark, who peed in your Cheerios?
Also, I’d like to remind people that the blog is not stuff EVERYONE HATES, it is stuff that you don’t like. So, while you may not have a burning hatred for bluetooth earpiece users, do you actively enjoy having them around?
i remember standing next to a guy at our apartment mailboxes and he is talking sexy to someone. a) at first i thought he was talking to me and i was shocked by his forwardness and b) once i figured out he was on the phone, i wanted to tell the person on the other side of the phone call that he was having the convo in PUBLIC…dumbass. how much can you really like someone if you are flirting and getting your mail at the same time?
Even douchier are the people that are talking on their bluetooth earpiece while they are holding their phone IN THEIR HAND about a foot away from their head. WHY ARE YOU USING A HANDS-FREE HEADSET WHEN YOU’RE GOING TO HOLD YOUR FREAKIN’ PHONE ANYWAY??!?!
Yea I have to go with afroblanco on this one. Snark; “Living their own lives with little or no interaction of your own”? My experience with “BT douchbags” ARE interfering in my life. I have responded to them thinking they were talking to me and that makes ME look crazy….which I am a little…..but I prefer to monitor my own craziness I don’t need a “BT douchbag” to help me along.
Motion to make another blog about stuff nobody likes… snark? Talk about a d-bag
I liked my Bluetooth headset and used it a lot until it became an involuntary tip at the carwash.
I mainly used it when walking for exercise to talk to distant family and friends; and yes, it was easier and more pleasant than holding a cell phone to my ear for 2 miles. WTF?
I don’t really see why a person talking using a wireless headset automatically becomes 5k% more annoying than everyone else yammering on their cells, fumbling with their cells, dropping their cells, staring blankly and stupidly at their cells, texting while walking into other people (or driving into them). This is a bit of a reach. If the presence of a small device on someone’s ear can bring you to a fever pitch of annoyance, I have to say I think you were already mostly there.
Excuse me. Call coming in.
[…] cruising around the website Stuff Nobody Likes, I have to admit that this post about members of the doucheoisie who walk around talking on their Bluetooth earpieces cra…. I have, on more than one occasion, mistaken some dude talking on his earpiece for a dude doing […]
I won’t use those damn things because they remind me WAY too much of an episode of Doctor Who. Bluetooth like things were the way the Cybermen took over the world!
And yes, most people who use them are douches.
Why would I want to stick a possibly cancer causing device (the actual phone) next to my head when I could use a bluetooth device (way less power) near the gray stuff?
Lost cause. Pretty soon they’ll look like hearing aids, then the mike will be embedded in a tooth, and finally the whole thing will be inside their head. At least that eliminates the problem of how people look wearing them. I’d like to see a law requiring LED earrings that light up when you’re on the phone. Maybe also one embedded in the forehead.
I actually kind of like the idea of a bluetooth receiver in my head. A transmitter for my iPod, and I’m off the grid. Just as long as the big ad agencies don’t figure out how to override the signal.
Ashley - I think the Cyber headsets were based on the Bluetooth headsets. But I won’t use them for the same reason.
I’ve only had problems with people using them in public once or twice, though. I only know a few people who use them, and that’s only at work (because it’s easier to type with two hands) or in the car. So this has never really been an annoyance to me.
I generally rely on body language to figure out Crazy People Sidewalk Bingo, so while they annoy the ever-living piss out of me on the street, I can cope. Whatever, there’s no laws about being a douche in public as much as I try to convince legislators otherwise. It’s when they’re at the workplace, standing at my register, yammering away while looking straight at me as if they’re cellphone matadors waiting for me to open my mouth and then looking bizarrely angry when I don’t interrupt them (though an interruption rates the same glare) that I’m all set for homicide. At least with the cellphones you can make little ‘put the damn thing down’ pantomimes or loudly ignore them.
So in NY it’s a law that you can’t have your cell to your ear if you’re driving…but the bluetooth problems still exist in the car: Last night on my cab ride home, the driver engaged me in conversation. We were talking friendly-like, and then suddenly he started speaking in another language. I didn’t know if I was supposed to respond. I was confused, and I froze. Was he speaking some sort of English/Bengali hybrid that I couldn’t understand? Was he even talking to me?? I strained and searched for an earpiece in his ear, but couldn’t see. I spent the entire car ride wondering if he was still talking to me and getting hurt that I wasn’t responding, or if he was talking to himself. Every once in awhile I’d make a grunt of agreement, just in case.
Suppose they don’t use their bluethooth headsets in public. This would certainly not change their mental set up. So if they are crazy, they’d be just as crazy without the silly headsets. And I doubt very much that you’d be able to pick any dangerously crazy out of any given crowd. Can’t make everyone nail their sanity certificates to their foreheads, can you. Would be nice though, if the crazies would have their red ‘I’m a certified crackpot’ cards on display…
I know I’d rather risk cancer than look stupid to you. I mean, what if you think I look stupid? How would I live? What would I do? Would life ever have meaning for me again?
Someone once blogged that people using Bluetooth devices look like they’ve been tagged and released by the Fish and Game Department. Darned if I don’t think that every time I see one…
Thank you so much for writing this. I now must anonymously email the link to my co-workers who wear the earpieces ALL DAY. (For the record, I have one, but it’s only for the car. Wouldn’t be caught dead wearing it in public.)
spotted: douchebag with bluetooth earpiece in place, but not in use, in a Lone Star Steakhouse in Salt Lake City.
Yes, I said “Lone Star Steakhouse”. The one where they used to let you throw peanut shells all over the floor.
Ok,
So some of you don’t like technology.
Go home, pull out your rotary phones, toss out your microwaves, fire up your toaster ovens, box up your computers.
Or…
You can join the rest of us in a technology world. I’m on my bluetooth, CUZ I WANT TO BE!!
Maybe I want my hands free in case we meet and need to bitch slap you?
I am a former Army Ranger. Sometimes… you just need your hands free…. dumbass!
yeah, but wouldn’t you wear one of these…
http://www.licentia-ip.com
I just found this blog through the Google search, “bluetooth douchebag”, a phrase that is getting passed around. A bluetooth can be a great tool while doing solitary activities such as jogging, hanging around home, bike messaging (thanks Snark), or even driving (please pull over if sales or non-dirictional discourse calls).
Unfortunately, I do think “douchebag” when I see it. I’ve had similar, but less entertaining, experiences than this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Khn1d6LQ8PU.
Looking at me talking to your bluetooth; talking to me and talking to bluetooth; not talking to yourself (which some are guily) but holding conversations with invisible people right next to me; are all things I find very rude. It quickly reached a point where if I see a bluetooth on anyone in a social situation, I think “douchebag,” when really, they are decent folk who need to learn some manners. Word is getting around, I know two bluetooth wearers who now know when not to wear them. If I were on a date, I don’t care how pretty she is, I will look to shorten and end it.
On the big scale, it annoys me in-between throwing cigarette butts on the ground, and never using caps on blog posts.
Snark,
I was with you until “…what about electromagnetic waves bouncing off your head?” Then you lost lucidity, like me last night after many beers. USE CAPS!
Blogs like this let them know when not to wear them.
Bluetooth users who read this, you can be more defiant, or just l little more polits
Bluet
sorry u guys have been misusing the word douche bag. These ppl wearing these gay head trophies are douche biscuits. and i totally agree with 90% of these comments on here. if i get tired of holding my phone just simply say i have to go. is that so hard DOUCHE BISCUITS
[…] People who wear “Bluetooth” headsets when they’re not on the phone - Unless you’re a sports agent, you probably can’t pull off this look. You come across as a self-important, arrogant ass. […]
Bluetooth headset = Douchenozzle.
Any fucking questions?
[…] Ironman on Mar.06, 2009, under Uncategorized As I’m sure sites like this one have made you aware, no one likes a douchebag wearing a bluetooth headset. I found it by […]
This is exactly why I started http://bluetoothdouchebag.com, this is an epidemic that needs to be addressed!
Bee honey, pollen, propolis
http://current.com/1ok9i4c
BEE PRODUCT